What was the dumbest thing you did while in the military?

[AFTAC85]

When I reported to the 50th Sig Bn in 1983 I had been on jump status for almost three years so I had well over 20 jumps. Walking past the CQ desk I heard somebody shout out from the day room that I was a cherry. Without looking back to see who called me one I replied I was no F-ing cherry. The voice from the day room proceeded to ask me how many jumps I have. I replied with the number on my jump log and types of aircraft I had jumped from. By now people were starting to get interested in our discussion. Then it happened. The voice in the day room said, well you must have jumped out of everything, airborne. Without thinking I said everything but you moms bedroom window when your dad got home. That last statement was the dumbest thing I ever did because that voice turned out to be my new section SGT.

[Rocket1972]

HAHA! Awesome SGT G!

[Falcon325]

Dumbest thing I ever did...

I was elected the platoon guide in basic at benning. My brother had served in the 80s and told me to just lay low and not to volunteer for anything. Day two of basic in formation Drill Sergeant Davis looks directly at me and elects me platoon guide. Awesome! (not really) my platoon was jacked up)

anyway I was pretty much on the straight and narrow however we had a guy who was not. He was a dude from NYC and somehow had a connection where he could get Chew and candy bars. I dont know if everyone else had the same experience but a candy bar in 98 at 2/58 went for about 20-30 dollars and a pinch of chew was about the same. Where this dude got this crap I have no idea. Being the platoon guide I got a share of the goods at no charge so long as i kept quiet. I would chew every night at lights out either I would go pretend to poop and spit in the toilet or I would spit into my foot powder that I had riged up to hold spit and not look like a spitter.

The funny part was one night I was sitting on the pooper and having a chew when I heared the drill sergeant out in the barracks...I freeked out and threw my chew into the toilet and ran to my rack. Thing was i forgot to flush the toilet. My rack was right outside the latreen so i made it there with out being spotted. On a side note being right next to the latreen was a really crappy place to try and sleep. The Drill sergeant made his rounds and checked the toilets and saw the chew in there. He freaked out and called the entire company downstairs to formation. I being the platoon guide was infront of the platoon while the DS checked all of my guys teeth. He never checked mine? Needless to say we got the crap smoked out of us and he made us pull guard duty across the entire company area for the next three days. One fire Watch, one stairs guard and one guy at each of the entrances to the barracks...the loading dock, chow hall tunnel, pt field entrance...it was horable!

funny story #2 Ok so this is another basic story....
we were not allowed to have any sugar at all durring basic...nor were we aloud to season our food. You ate what you got and that was it. The army alwas made cakes in big sheets but we never touched them...now on KP thats a different story....Anyway, So im not a sweets eater anyway and i think it was just the fact that i was unable to have any that made me want it more...(this was before my buddy got the candy bar hook up). I wrote my Mommy a letter and asked her to send me some choclate and I devised a fool proof way of getting it delivered. I had her squeeze out a tube of tooth paste and insert liquid choclate in its place! I know freeking smart as hell. Next was the wait and the inspection of my goods by the DS at night when we got mail. He opened the box looked at it and handed it to me. I was stoked and quickley went to put it away in my locker. Of course I had to eat some before I put it away... this was to be my stash that would have lasted all cycle. i took a bite and it was feeking amazing...it still tasted a little like mint but that made it even better...I then proceded to squeeze the entire tube into my mouth and swallow. So much for that lasting all cycle : )

[MI~intheSky]

this post is in wrong section for me to tell my story lol

[MAC11B3V]

When I was a PFC I was at a hand grenade range. We had a few crates to burn through and my 1SG scooped up some of us FNG's to school us on the finer points of tossing M67's into a one room fortification. We were rotating through, each tossing a few. Each time it was my turn, my heart was pounding out of respect for that little ball of death I held in a vice grip. He was having us go faster and faster until one time his two commands slurred together and sounded something like "PREPTHGRNADETHROW!!" Well it turns out the pull ring slipped out of my finger but I chucked it before the feeling registered in my PFC brain. We hunkered down, no boom. We waited longer, no boom. He told me to stay put and took a quick peek inside where he saw the frag sitting pretty in the center of the room, pullpin about 90% of the way out. "G@#+%!tt Mac11b1p!" He howled. I felt pretty sheepish sitting back watching him and myPL throwing sticks, running by the doorway and throwing rocks and all kind of other silly antics to make the thing go off. Finally it did, and I was relieved when my 1SG didn't murder me but instead slapped me on the back and said "i bet you'll never forget that sit huh!?" I think if that had happened in front of the rest of the company the outcome would have been very different!

[Rocket1972]

this post is in wrong section for me to tell my story lol

Start a NSFW thread in the backrooms and entitle it "What was the dumbest thing you did while in the military? R-rate" because I want to hear this story......

[PIKE]

Start a NSFW thread in the backrooms and entitle it "What was the dumbest thing you did while in the military? R-rate" because I want to hear this story......

THIS!

[azazel221]

We were moving back to Kandahar after Operation Mountain Sweep (I was a PFC and had been with my unit for all of two and a half months). We were ex-filled to Orgun-E on Chinooks and then ferried from there to Kandahar on Blackhawks.

My chalk included two EPW's the locals at Orgun-E had snatched up. We were the lucky chalk that got to smell them while they were transported to KAF. About five minutes before touching down, my squad leader grabbed me by my armor and told me that as soon as we touched down I was to get out of the door and take control of the PUCs on my side of the bird. We touched down on the tarmac and moved to our ex-fill point. I was facing the rear of the bird. As soon as we stopped movement, I looked over my shoulder as best I could and located the door handle. Due to my gear I was not able to reach and look at the same time. I looked one more time to make sure I had properly located the door handle, looked forward, and reached behind me. I found the handle, or so I thought. As soon as I pulled the handle I saw the pins in the bottom portion of the window my face was pressed against disappear into the door. Both windows fell out of the door and hit the ground just as the crew members climbed out their gun ports to open the door. When we eventually disembarked the pilots and crew chief called me to the front of the bird, reamed me a new asshole, and said something about grounded until a safety officer can inspect the bird. It didn't affect the ferrying process as the pilots were grounded due to hours. If it had affected my buddies' rides home I would have felt terrible. Instead, I was just embarrassed and was prepared for a smoke session with my squad leader. As soon as we were out of earshot my squad leader told me that he thought it was hilarious and that I shouldn't worry about it, but for the rest of my time in the military I was never allowed to sit at the door again.

We would be training stateside with Blackhawks and have to attend briefings with the air crew. Almost every single time we got to hear about some dumb ass private that dropped the windows out of the door in Afghanistan. The platoon was never shy about pointing me out.

[P-Chop]

Operation Black Angus...............it's still classified...........OPSEC, Ssssshhhhhh!

[KS110]

Its from Basic, but a story nonetheless:

Week 12 of OSUT, we're on one of the last nights of our week long FTX and we got spoiled with some field chow rather than MREs. It got really freakin cold at night especially if we werent doing anything besides pulling security, so everyone was wearing their PT beanies under their kevlars. Dumbfuck me forgot to pack mine, so I weasled my way onto the detail tasked with bringing back the chow bins in hopes I'd be able to grab it and maybe enjoy my 45 minutes of sleep that night. So we get back to the barracks and start unloading all the chow shit and bringing it back to the DFAC.

Bravo 2/19 (we were Alpha) had just started their cycle that week so they were still in the get-smoked-all-day-for-nothing phase. Their whole company is downstairs at attention, its dead silent except for a few of the DS's talking about who knows what. So they give us permission to quietly roll the shit through their CTA over to the DFAC, which were doing. Me and my buddies are feeling all badass, fucking week 12 about to graduate real live Infantrymen, in our IBA's, kevlars with NODs mounted, M4s slung, bunch of fucking high speeds in front of all these new guys. Yeah, real high speed KP duty.

Me being the genius I am tries to wheel a very, very overstacked cart so we'd have less trips to make, thus more time for me to try and grab my PT cap. The fucking thing hits a crack in the concrete right in the center of their CTA, and shit goes into slow motion from here. Chili mac, greens, fucking remnants of cake, corn, a whole mess of shit goes flying everywhere. Not to mention the extraordinarily loud crashing of the metal trays that echoed for a solid 20 seconds. I froze. All the new recruits are standing there probably trying their hardest not to laugh, the DS's are looking at me, my buddies are already down at the corner, jaws on the floor. I think my heart stopped.

DS walks over to me gets right in my face and whispers "Holy fucking shit Private, guess what. That really just happened." "Uh..I..umm I'll get a broom Drill Sergeant" "Fuckin A you will and try not to be so damn loud about it"

So I did my best to clean it up with some canteen water and a broom while my buddies (staring straight at the ground) wheel the rest of the food past me, sweeping it over and over and over again really accomplishing nothing but spreading it around a bit until one of the DS's finally asks me why I'm still there. I booked it out of there, threw the broom in the laundry room, got on the deuce and told my buddies to fuck off while they cackled hysterically.

No, I didnt get my fucking PT cap, but I didnt freeze that night because I was still burning red of embarassment.

[CharliePC]

It's the dead of winter in West Germany and we come back from the field. I've been freezing my sleep deprived ass off for three weeks and ole Charlie is looking forward to a shower and a warm bed. But no!!! I DRAW F**KING GUARD DUTY THAT NIGHT!!! To say I'm pissed off is an understatement.

To brace myself for the cold I fill up my canteen with Apflekorn. Apflekorn is sorta like an apple schnapps.

So I'm on guard, walking around the motor pool, it's snowing like crazy, colder than a mofo, the road is a sheet of ice and I start sipping the Apflekorn. The sipping turns to guzzling and pretty soon I've downed the whole canteen.

By this time I don't mind the whole deal that much and I start to get bored. I spot a dozen or so empty grease cans, so I decide to set them up in the middle of the sheet of ice that is the motor pool road for bowling. It's not really light enough to see well, and I remember that I still have a generic key to an 880 truck, and there's one sitting right there. I start it up and turn on the head lights.... so I could see better for bowling. I went ahead and turned on the flashing lights... just for giggles.

OK, so I'm ready to bowl, but what with? Ah, I'll use my M16!

I'm bowling when I remember I have a can of beef stew and an Esbit cooker in my butt-pack. So I busted it out and got it cooking.

I'm just getting good with the M16 bowling and the stew was bubbling away when the Sergeant of the Guard comes around with my relief. He shits a brick when he sees this scene and tears into me like a fat kid into a pork chop. This brings ole Charlie back to being royally pissed off, so I jump back in his face. Things get ugly and the other soldiers separate us. We both calm down and he marches us back to the guard building.

I was lucky... I only got an Article 15.

This isn't the dumbest thing I did. It's actually number 4. I would tell 2,3 behind closed doors in Got Silk. Number 1, I take to my grave.

[Falcon325]

Here is a good one. So me and a bunch of dudes from my squad go on a detail as we were on DRF7 and doing very important things like raking leaves, mowing grass, cleaning things that dont need to be cleaned. etc... Yes we even raked the entire side of post housing that was condemed with no one there (awesome). Back to the story...so were off to go set up a couple of ranges for some SF dudes to come jack up. We go to the motor pool and grab some Humvees and take off. So what do a bunch of 11Bs do in humvees.. Well if you said tear them the heck up you are correct. We set off into the woods and find a trail that we negotiate at an extreemly high rate of speed numerous times. Lots of mud and crap on the turn with a jump around the corner. The Humvee had a big hole in the bottom the size of a kevlar and when you would go through a puddle it would shoot muddy water over the drivers shoulder. So you can say we had some fun. I cant remember who it was but they decided to nock down some small trees which led to us driving through a section of woods with alot of small trees at a high rate of speed subsiquenbtly tearing both mirriors of the side on the doors. So at this point were about done but were way out in the middle of nowhere so we stop to get our bearings. When we stop the humvee some of us disimbark and hear zings above our head and some snap crackle pop noises. None of us had been shot at directly at this time as it was 1999-2000 and no one had a CIB. We just happened to be on the back side of a live range and that was not good...we got the hell outa there ricky tick. took the hummer to the power washer and brang it back less some mirriors. Never got in trouble for that one.

then there was the arty sims in a barracks room when the power went out and possible some star clusters fired down the hallway.... : )

The dumbest thing I ever did with out a doubt was go out on the red light cause i didnt want to get seperated from my buddy.

[FIST319]

I don't know if this was the dumbest for me, but it makes the top five..........

About a week after my arrival at Ft. Bragg as an E-1 in June of 1984, I was assigned a Squad Leader, an E-6 name Sgt. Ball who wasn't a hardass, but liked to stay under the radar as much as possible. The first day I worked for him, we were sitting in the common room, and he told me, "Private, you see that ¼ ton out there? I want you to drive it over to the motor pool, and have the mechanics give it a good PM. We have an IG coming up, and everything needs to be squared away. Just make sure they don't fuck the paint up, because I just had it painted." He gave me a key and a punch list of outstanding maintenance items. Walking out of the barracks, I didn't see a "1/4 ton", but I saw a jeep. My key unlocked the steering wheel, so I was good to go. I hopped in, started it, and proceeded to back out. The vehicle was really balky; it must need a tuneup or something. I backed onto Bastogne, and then took a right on Gruber. The ¼ ton was still being a dog; it wanted to stall. I pulled into the motor pool, and I smelled something funny. I looked down and realized my screwup. The parking brake was still on, and now, flames were coming out of the housing. I jumped out and grabbed the extinguisher, quickly snuffing the blaze. No harm, no foul, I thought, pulling out my pen and adding "parking brake" to the list of maintenance items. I'm so fucking smart.

Oh, shit. Newly-applied matte camo paint. White fire extinguisher chemicals. The Front Leaning Rest was going to be my best friend for the foreseeable future.

[Abntrucker]

Sniffed some nerve agent

[bonz77harley]

i took basic at ft lewis in 71',old north fort,any way it was cold as hell,SDI said it's liquid sun shine.we were doing pugil sticks w/really bad hocky gloves any way i caught this dufus w/a but hold to the groind & hold,he was pissed/hot,swung his stick like a ball bat,my right thumb got caught between both sticks busted that mofo in 13 places,i( mr 18yrold master mind dont' tell anyone,had KP,next day,pots&pans,KP"S outside,sorry i digress.any way mess ssg see's my thumb sends me to sick call had a casthalf up my arm from week 3 to week-8 did my final,PT teat w/ it on still passed,maxed pushups & the bars AIR BORNE.