What was the dumbest thing you did while in the military?

[Altimeter]

Dude, I dont think I would share that one!

[Garda11B1P]

In the dirt.

This is not really a dumbest thing but it could of been. Names will be anonymous because some are still on active duty. Well while in Germany we had an FTX in the Odenwald. My team was supposed to pull surveillance on a road intersection from top of a hill. Anyway we were inserted at night by leg vehicle (truck) about 10 k's from our objective. In the infinite wisdom of out team Sgt we started rucking it through the woods direct line of sight. Well it was about 0000 hrs when we came upon a small town. We started to walk the roads to make up some time and low and behold there was a bar open. The team Sgt decided that we needed to stop and check out the bar to "get directions". Well he and ATL go int the bar. Then about five minutes later he comes out and asks everyone if they have any marks. Of course I’m the only one who says anything and cough up about 200DM. The TL then has us all stash our rucks and tells us to get something to eat. Well I had to stay outside and do a commo check to the rear me being RTO. About 30 minutes later my ARTO comes out to relieve me. I go in and there is the TL, ATL, SO, SSO all getting shit faced with some locals. Not one to shy away from food and drink I proceed to catch up. After giving our Unit patches, EIB's and Airborne Tabs to the locals the next thing I knew it was about 0300 and we still had about 5k's to go to the objective. Well to make a long story short one of the Herm's gave us a ride about a click away from the OBJ. It was classic 7 guys stuffed into a 4dr car with weapons and rucks. We made it to the objective set up the surveillance and commo site. Then started for what we thought would be a 2 day mission. Well about the 1130hrs the opfor compromised us because the surveillance site comprised of the ATL, SSO and SO had fallen asleep and were snoring loud enough to wake the dead. We got a no-go for the FTX but it sure was fun.
Shawn

[blackflagg509]

This is a really old thread but I'll keep it going ...
Down by the Gatun locks in Panama during Jungle School in 81, lauched a parachute flare in the middle of the day, landed in some really dry sawgrass and caused a huge wildfire. I hadn't shaved in 8 days ... seemed like that pissed the CO off more than the fire.

You mean Kuna Grass; which was always great to land in on our jumps down there.

[fstroupe]

Hope it is OK to resurrect this thread, I'm sure that there are newbys with dumb stuff to add.

But, in my case it is really sad...I can't thing of anything extremely dumb to post here because I never was in any trouble. The dumbest thing I did WHILE in the army had little to do with the army. My now ex-wife at one point during our two year separation asked if I wanted the kids. How much more of a fool could I have been? My head was all tied up in the fact that I was in Division. I should have told her "Hold that thought!" while I found a high-speed lawyer. But most men are fucking dumbasses at that point in time, and let themselves get screwed royally, like I did.

I received one bad counseling statement in my seven years, for backing into a tree in the woods. It is actually a funny story because of the lame-assed company commander.

A friend of mine, SSG Morris Wright, and I (a cherry buck sergeant) were transferred from Division to the XVIII Corps MI Brigade. Our new company had been planning a field problem for months, and it was to be like three weeks after we arrived. Though they had planned it, they had not done a damn thing towards it...the training area had not been reserved, the "compass course" they wanted to do had not been set up, I really don't know if chow had even been planned for. So Morris and I volunteer to take care of the training area. He reserves a place he had been before that had a land nav course already on it. We ride out there to check it out. Just before we were ready to leave it started raining.

We were in a CUCV Blazer that was fairly new on the side of a hill of course covered with pine needles. I slid a little backwards and hit a tree, putting a dent into the Blazer's bumper...a dent that was about 1" long and 1/8" deep. Morris looked at the bumper and didn't see the dent, that's how small it was.

Oh but this fucking company commander..he already didn't like either of us because of the company run our first day in the company. Morris and I both decided that we would maintain a low profile in this company that was nearly all legs. The CDR, the 1SG (who had been SF for most of his career), maybe a couple other NCOs and a couple of lower enlisted guys were the only paratroopers out of this 80-100 man company. We start the run which was at a crawl compared to what we were accustomed to. The 1SG called for someone to call cadence, he had no takers. He started getting pissed. Morris and I looked at each other and shook our heads, both of us were excellent cadence callers. So he went out first, doing a damn good job. After a mile or so, he called me out, and he started running around the formation. I wasn't going to be outdone, so I picked up the pace significantly. After another mile or so they started falling out, so Morris got in the front of the formation and led us into a pick-up straggler mode.

By this time the commander was getting tired and pissed off, and told Morris to let the stragglers go. So I picked up the pace even more, nearly to the pace we usually ran back in Division. The commander fell out about 1/2 mile from the PT area.

And to be honest, I was never a particularly strong runner. LOL

So anyway, the commander was determined that I was going to pay for the bumper. I don't remember how I got the heads up about it, but someone told me. At the time I was a member of the 82nd Airborne Parachute Club, and was good friends with the 82nd Aviation Brigade's Motor Officer, one of the infantry brigade's Motor Pool logistics guys, and seems the Bn Motor Officers of a couple more units. I had several bumpers lined up to replace the damaged one.

Finally, the 519th MI Bn Motor Officer told the commander that there was no way he could make me pay for the bumper as it was completely serviceable. So all the commander could come up with was a counseling statement for not using a ground guide. (actually I don't remember why we didn't lie and say that we did...I guess because we never thought that anything would come of it)

I do remember going into the commander's office to sign the counseling statement. He was SO disappointed. He couldn't hide it. I thought that he was going to cry, though I'm really not sure that it was over the damage or the fact that he couldn't punish me for it.

I guess that he was the lamest officer that was ever in my chain of command.

[desertkniteertknite]

First off let me start this story off the proper paratrooper way

No Sh!T, there I was it was my first chance at block leave and it was Christmas of '91. Being the young naive private that I was, being in division and jumping out of places only helped to hinder my thought processes at the time.
I went to visit the girl that I was planning on marrying. I stayed with her a couple of days at her parents house (yes she was the same age as me 21) and finally got the nerve to ask her the question that had been running though my mind for a long time. Well she said that she didn’t know and that at the time I wasn’t in the best graces with her parents (seems they didn’t like army folks hanging around (you all do remember the sipping bourbon through a straw Candace after all lol)). Well I told her in no uncertain terms that when she wanted to grow up and make her own decisions then she can call, but until then I am out of there. So I grabbed my duffel and off I went a walking to a near by air force base, and when I say near it was 22 miles away. I figured I could stay in guest housing for a day or so while I waited on a space "A" flight to go back to Bragg. Along the way I was passing a store when I thought I need something to ease the pain so I grabbed a bottle of rum and continued my road march to the base. A local sheriff pulled up next to me along the way and asked me if I was alright. I explained the situation to him, and he told me to hop in and he would give me a ride to the base even though it wasn’t in his county, let alone state. We talked along the way and eventually we arrive at the guest housing. I get out and check in and the lady behind the desk informs me that the base has been closed for six months and there isn’t any space "A" flights anymore. No big deal I can figure out what I wasn’t to do in the morning.
The housing was actually converted wooden barracks, and I was on the second floor. I climbed the stairs and put my bag in my room, and decided what the hell I needed something to mix the rum with so I will go and get a coke. I walked in, and put my 50 cents into that 1970's machine and my luck held true. It didn’t give me my money and it didn’t give me my coke. So I slammed the thing against the wall and as I was on my why out I heard a creaking sound. I turned around to see what it was, and low and behold that coke machine fell on top of me pinning me to the floor. The top of the machine was across my waist and my legs were under it. Just as I was thinking about how I was going to get out, two NCO's from Fort Chaffee were walking down the hall when they seen me. They came running over and we did the three stooges rescue thing. One was going to lift the machine, and the other was going to pull me out from underneath it. Well it turns out that this was the three stooges rescue because one either didn’t lift long enough or one didn’t pull fast enough because they dropped the damn thing right on my left foot. As they were standing there giving each other high fives I calmly asked them to lift it up again so I can get it off my foot. They did, and I started my way back down to my room. With every step I felt like passing out, and being the good and well trained trooper that I was I knew I was in shock. I lay down on the bed and loosened all the restrictive clothes, and elevated my feet above my heart. Just like we were taught in training. After a couple of minutes that feeling went away and I was left with a dull thumping pain in my foot. Ok I thought I have done well so far so let’s go ahead and check this out. I took off my boot, and removed my sock to see a big ugly knot under my big toe. As I was feeling for the swelling there was a loud audible crunch. Both NCO's had followed me back to the room and when they heard that they turned bone white. Honestly I didn’t feel anything but they asked if I wanted to go to the hospital, and I said yup I had better. Well no one had a car and could take me so the desk clerk called an ambulance. They arrived and strapped me down to a gurney and were attempting to take me down those tight narrow stairs in that wooden barracks. Now I wasn’t a light weight, in fact I weighed in at the top of my weight class at 212. After finally getting me down the stairs and into the ambulance, we were on our way to the hospital. They turned on the sirens and off we went. Being embarrassed by the whole situation I asked if it was really nessicery that they rolled code to the hospital, after all it was only a broken toe. The paramedic riding with me told me that this was the most exciting thing to happen in six months since the base shut down.
Well this is normally where I end the story but it only gets better from here. The next morning as I was back in guest housing now, and I have a splint on and crutches from the hospital, I decided that I had three days, and greyhound can get me back in two. SO I went to the lady at the desk and asked her where the closest ATM was. She told me a mile down the street. There was no one else there and I didn’t have money for a taxi so I decided it was only a mile and I would walk it. Man was I smoked by the time I got to the ATM. I never realized walking with crutches was that difficult before lol. At the ATM I put in my card and withdrew 300 from my account. Well the ATM didn’t pay me my money, but it did take that money out of my account. Back in those days that was 75% of my paycheck as an E-1. Crap so I hobbled back to housing and called home to get my parents to wire me enough money to cover billeting and the greyhound ticket. They told me it would take a day to do it. Nice I thought now I have to call the 1Sg and explain why I might be late. I talked with my 1SG (great guy named Motley) and of course he chewed on me a bit and asked if I was standing at parade rest lol. When I finally got into Fayetteville again one of my buddies was there to pick me up. He told me on the way in that the 1SG was pissed and wanted me in his office as soon as I arrived. Great just what I was looking forward too.
The 1SG wasn’t there when I got in but I was sitting on the sofa in his office waiting. When 1sg Motley came in I jumped up and was doing my best to try and stand at parade rest on crutches, when he told me to relax and explain to him the whole story. As I was explaining it to him he covered his mouth, but I could still tell he was smiling under his hand. Our CO came in about the end of the story, he was passing though to his office, and asked me what happened. I explained the whole story to him, and he told me well I guess you learned your lessen and went into his office and shut the door. It didn’t help because I could still hear him laughing though it. The 1SG told me that this was a very serious matter and that I was lucky I wasn’t going to get an article 15. He then told me that they couldn’t use me in the field (and believe it or not I wanted to be out there, the razzing I would take from my buddies would never end if I wasn’t out there) and that I would have to be assigned duties along the lines of the profile I had. I pulled CQ every other day until I was healed. If that wasn’t bad enough just to remind me the sticker on the coke machine in the dayroom now read “Don’t be a Schutte” Under the do not tip guy. Well the story does have a happy ending. After 21 days the bank found my money in the cirrus network and gave it back to me, and on the two day bus ride back home I met the next crazy female that was to occupy my time for the next year.

[fstroupe]

Yeah, you're right, Fairly Tales start: "Once upon a time...." Army and River stories start: "This is no shit....".

[zrtman600]

The dumbest thing I ever did was leave my room unsecured while I spent the evening at the Red Beret club. It was the first night that 2/505 was back from Panama in 1987. I thought the dancer Belinda over there had a big crush on me so I was in a hurry to get over there. Fresh out of Repl and had pulled CQ the night before so I blasted out and didnt bother to help clean any weapons, bino's, or any other gear. When I stumbled back to the barracks after the club closed I found every single thing that I owned or was issued laying in a pile in the middle of the floor of my room. I was told to immediately square my room away. To this day I fear Corporals. I never left my room unsecured after that.

[vnvetret]

Reading Cal's story reminded me of some of my own history. Nothing so complicated as Cal, but, when I returned to Fort Monmouth after my duty at the Berlin Tunnel site, I needed a new ID card. At the typing pool where I was to have my new ID typed, was a very cute little brunette, who's eye I caught and who also seemed friendly, so I tried some flirting just in case she was the one who typed my new ID. For whatever reason, she did get the job and, when she called out my name, I decided to be as charming as I could be. While at her desk,I complimented her on her hair,dress, and looks in general. I then, casually, asked her if it would be much trouble to type 1934 instead of 1935 on my ID. Her response was, "Oh, that would be no trouble at all." So, I became 21 with the click of a typewriter key, and a little effort.

[P-Chop]

Reading Cal's story reminded me of some of my own history. Nothing so complicated as Cal, but, when I returned to Fort Monmouth after my duty at the Berlin Tunnel site, I needed a new ID card. At the typing pool where I was to have my new ID typed, was a very cute little brunette, who's eye I caught and who also seemed friendly, so I tried some flirting just in case she was the one who typed my new ID. For whatever reason, she did get the job and, when she called out my name, I decided to be as charming as I could be. While at her desk,I complimented her on her hair,dress, and looks in general. I then, casually, asked her if it would be much trouble to type 1934 instead of 1935 on my ID. Her response was, "Oh, that would be no trouble at all." So, I became 21 with the click of a typewriter key, and a little effort.

That, my brother, is the SMARTEST thing you coulda done!

"You aint cheatin'...you aint tryin'".......

[IEDmagnet]

Well... mine is a good ole' fashion combat story... though I was anything but heroic I will share anyway.


Being in Bagdad in 2005 was an experience. One night we had been on patrol all day and were tasked with inserting a BN Sniper team into their hide site for the night as our final mission of the day. The plan was simple, and we figured it would go quick and we'd get to the FOB in time to play some Spades and get to bed. We returned to the FOB on time and staged in the motor pool area, which is where the simple shit ended. We got our short and sweet OPORD, no need to screw around as we had been out all day with minimal contact or problems. I, as Alpha fire team leader, made my guys throw their NODs on checked their sensitive items one more time because it was dark and would be worse by the time we hit the insertion point and security halt. I had my guys load the Bradley and took my normal seat near the ramp. One of my riflemen, Mo, decided this was the time to tell us he was having de ja vu. Of course I tried to squash the conversation but he managed to tell us that he had dreamed that we were hit by an IED on a mission just like this. To make it worse, I was "seriously wounded" in his dream. I did the normal quit your bullshit deal and said that this was just like any other time out the wire, all of you do your jobs and we'll be back in time for midnight chow.

We rolled the gate and all was fine, till we hit an intersection we'd been over 10 times that day. The floor of the Bradley bowed, light came in through the ramp edges, and a loud "pop" rung all of our ears. As soon as I could hear, the sound of my Lt (who was our BC) was clearly yelling IED IED over the radio. Our Brad kept going until it ran into a berm along a canal just off the road. I scanned the troop compartment and made sure everyone was ok, then went into "follow me" mode. Troop door swung open, I yelled the classic "follow me" (no shit sounds cheesy now) and went to jump out. Now I pause here to explain for those that have never been around Bradleys that they have a ramp, but they also have a troop door. A 4 foot by 2 foot oval door in the ramp. Heavy contact, ramp disabled, and that door can save your life. I, being the high speed no drag trooper I was (and the survivor of 3 IEDs at this point), went to jump out the door leading my troops. I forgot completely that my NODs were on the mount on top of my helmet and that is what caught the top of the troop door jerking me backwards against my own force back into the troop compartment. My guys rushed me thinking I'd been shot. I shook them off and tried again, this time I made it out. I got them out and started organizing a defensive perimeter around the vehicle, when I realized that the driver was unaccounted for. Mo and I climbed back in the vehicle, again I was leading the way when splash, I fell in the half melted cooler we kept in the Brad. Once I recovered from that, I started down the hellhole to the driver when boom, my face to his helmet because he had just woken up and thought we'd left him in the vehicle so he was hauling balls out. That just about knocked me out.

I shook that off thinking that it couldn't get any worse or embarassing when all hell broke loose outside. Gunfire, shit we're in a TIC. I literally dove out the back of the Brad, hit the ground and almost did a combat roll. I looked around and couldn't see anything shooting back, and the gunfire wasn't as loud now as it had seemed inside the armored hull (damn echo effect). I yelled up to my Lt who was shooting in the direction of the canal running along side of us "who's shooting?" I actually wanted to know why, but I was pretty much feeling the helmet to the face. Lt stopped shooting, and very calmly said, "I am". "Who are you shooting at?" I asked, and he looked at me and exclaimed "no one, I'm just pissed off".

The mission was scrubbed for a recovery operation for our vehicle. No one else may see the humor in that one, and I may not have done a good job telling it, but I think back about that night and remember it was a hilariously embarassing situation for me as a team leader.

[AFTAC85]

My dumbest moment...night, live, CAS EX. I was a brand new JTAC, literally first mission fully cert'ed. Needless to say I was a little more than amped up as live doesn't happen much during CONUS ops. Marking the target with my IR pointer as two F-16's are rolling in. Having just told everone to turn their IR strobes on, I was still thinking about that as I told the pilots the target was marked with strobes instead of beam, didn't catch myself for a few LONG seconds and no one else did either. Then being the good FAC-A pilot he was wanted confirmation on what was marking the target. Lucky for all of us on the ground he called me on it or we would have had two 6 pack trucks and 8 tacp's turned into hamburger by the 20mm. So needless to say that night was a lesson well learned the almost hard way.

[RAMKILR]

I think I have two decisions I made that I wish I could do over:

During the testing when I was inducted they tried to talk me into going to OCS - it would have meant extending my stay for about 3 years so I declined. Thinking back I probably should have gone ahead and done it after Jump School.

The second worst decision I made was to ETS instead of re-upping...

[dav]

Not screwing a buddies wife who had me drive her home from a lafayette bar,
because to make him jealous she insisted I had, and he believed her. Got blamed and didn't even hit it.

[dav]

Not screwing a buddies wife who had me drive her home from a lafayette bar,
because to make him jealous she insisted I had, and he believed her. Got blamed and didn't even hit it.

** edit ** should read "Hinesville bar"

[SGT G]

When I reported to the 50th Sig Bn in 1983 I had been on jump status for almost three years so I had well over 20 jumps. Walking past the CQ desk I heard somebody shout out from the day room that I was a cherry. Without looking back to see who called me one I replied I was no F-ing cherry. The voice from the day room proceeded to ask me how many jumps I have. I replied with the number on my jump log and types of aircraft I had jumped from. By now people were starting to get interested in our discussion. Then it happened. The voice in the day room said, well you must have jumped out of everything, airborne. Without thinking I said everything but you moms bedroom window when your dad got home. That last statement was the dumbest thing I ever did because that voice turned out to be my new section SGT.