Serious shortage of virgins.

**JoBa** · 07-13-2012, 05:44 PM

Evidently written by a Brit.

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike next Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this April from 72 to only 60. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth".

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, an Al Qaeda chief executive explained,

"We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting back but I'd hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."

Spokespersons for the union in Newcastle , Middlesbrough, Essex, Glasgow and Australia stated that they would be unaffected as there are no virgins in these areas anyway.

Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been largely put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise.

.

**Ops NCO** · 07-13-2012, 05:54 PM

**Jumpmaster K** · 07-13-2012, 11:28 PM

It's easy; just raise taxes.

Damn, wrong thread.

**Jm1347** · 07-14-2012, 09:37 AM

**Jeff82** · 07-14-2012, 11:34 AM

**Ironic-Mike** · 07-14-2012, 12:53 PM

The joke's been around for a while. Sorry.

**JoBa** · 07-14-2012, 03:32 PM

Originally Posted by Ironic-Mike

The joke's been around for a while. Sorry.

Well, you should be.

RH · 07-15-2012, 12:23 AM

**Dustover** · 07-17-2012, 10:46 PM

Lmao!

**Zimmy** · 07-18-2012, 08:08 AM

I still hope they find 72 Virginians

**zanshin** · 07-18-2012, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by Zimmy

I still hope they find 72 Virginians

Lots of virgins in VA since the court ruling that insertion of a 1.5" (or smaller) phallus didn't nullify virgin status. Sorry, P-Chop, I realize this puts a dent on your list of conquests, but you still get to include barnyard animals and transgender encounters.

**Hendo** · 07-18-2012, 08:25 AM

The only virgin I've ever met was myself and that relationship lasted too long. Wouldn't it suck to be a suicide bomber and promised 72 virgins and I showed up

. It doesn't apply now but had they met me two years ago...........I MEAN 20 YEARS AGO

shit

**zanshin** · 07-18-2012, 09:00 AM

It would be hard to imagine a woman with Middle Eastern parentage that was so misfortunately disfigured and disproportionately sized that she couldn't even get fucked by people who are known to regularly have sexual relations with goats.

And they don't get to tap infidel ass in Paradise -- gotta be one of their own. Sucks, but that's the rules.